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Section 62 Entry 0001. Date: 2003 August 21 Thursday.
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Just when you think you know it all, something will happen to make you realize that the strange planet on which you live is several degrees weirder than you thought. This happened to me recently after the zenvirus.com site got an accidental hit from someone searching for "armpit stories."
Why would a search for "armpit" lead to this site? Well, because there is a poem on the site which contains the lines
Night sweats; pearls of sweat
Squat in armpit and crotch.
However, while the occasional incidental reference to the human armpit is only to be expected (literature, after all, tends to be about living, breathing human beings, and living, breathing human beings do have armpits) the notion of an actual "armpit story" struck me as bizarre.
I thought of doing an Internet search for "armpit stories" to see what I would come up with, but I didn't have time. Anyway, without having looked, I was convinced that there was no such thing as an "armpit story."
Even so, it was interesting to speculate about what an "armpit story" might look like if it existed, and I found myself starting to make notes for my very own armpit story. This would be, or so I thought, the very first armpit story in the history of English literature.
Today, realizing that I had a bit of free time, I decided to sit down and write the projected armpit tale. Before doing so, however, I would finally do the neglected Internet search for "armpit stories."
So I did, not really expecting to find anything, and I got quite a shock. Not only does armpit fiction exist, but it seems to be a vibrant (X-rated) genre. If you'd asked me yesterday, I'd have said that planet Earth had no more surprises left to offer me, but today I was proved wrong.
The offerings thrown up by the search engine (not all fiction, and not all X-rated, either) included the following:-
Exciting Armpit Stories (Real & Fantasy) Unwashed Shirt, Coffee Shop, House Keeper, Kasturi, Programmer, Milky Armpits. Train Ride, Lisa's ...
armpit stories and fantasies. [ BACK TO BOARD ] ... i got many armpit stories and fantasies love to exchange write me sweaty3000 {completion of e-mail address deleted if u interested. ...
armpit tickle stories. ... armpit tickle stories. The thought that her feet might be a little dirty only aroused me more, and I tried ...
Indian Girls Armpit Hair Dating
A television programme about reading bums, armpit sex and obsessive nose picking is to ... Related stories: US Pop Idol star's porn site past rules her out 08:49 ...
armpit licking sex offender registry
dated a guy she called merely "Mr. Movie Star" and revealed his secret fetish: armpit sniffing ...
along a local interstate reading "Battle Mountain, Voted the Armpit of America by the ... Related stories: Estate agent, 63, is world's oldest male stripper 16:28 ...
'Armpit' reference angers Battle Mtn. residents Scott Sonner. ASSOCIATED ... Why not the worst? We promised to find the armpit of America. Turns ...
All of this is very suggestive. New possibilities open themselves to the wondering mind. If armpit stories, why not toenail stories? Studying my list of search engine results, I found the first glimmerings of a toenail clipping story stirring to life:-
In his old age, Jack Porn moved to Battle Mountain, where he got a job as a stripper in a gerbil-sniffing bar. When he moved to Battle Mountain, he took with him his most precious possession, a bag of toenail clippings, slightly moist (his jail cell had been exceptionally damp) and fragrant with memories ....
Anyhow, the armpit story I actually ended up writing (if I see something on the Internet I tend to have an attack of me-tooism) is called
Harriet's Armpit
and opens like this:-
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